The Real Slim Shady

Eminem as nurse:

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whoopin' her ass worse than before

They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture (Ahh!)

It's the return of the... Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?

And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem {*vocal turntable:

chigga chigga chigga*} Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what

Flippin' the you-know-who,Yeah, but he's so cute though!

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on ya lips, my bum is on ya lips

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they?

We ain't nothin' but mammals.. Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes {*SLURP*}

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

{*EWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave ya pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

Chorus(2x):

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV

Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD {*AHHH!*}

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Chorus

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin' you

Things you joke about wit ya friends inside your livin' room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mike and spit it

And whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just shittin'

Betta than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums

It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin' when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting

Pinchin' nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens

And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin'

He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings

{*HACH*} Or in the parkin' lot, circlin'

Screamin', I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

Wit his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Chorus (4x)

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up